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Willow

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Willow

Testowo zakładam, bo może z tym tematem coś ruszy :) Nie jestem jakaś nadmiernie utalentowana, ale lubię się dzielić tym, co czuje i jak czuje.

Zakładam to, a nie w poezji, bo spodziewam się, że twórczość tu będzie mieszana. 

Głównie będą utwory po angielsku, może też po rosyjsku. Z polskim już gorzej.

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Willow

Mój krzywy polski :))

Wiem, że niebezpieczeństwo, a nie niebezpieczność :P

 

Ciemna cisza, szalona wolność,

Burza w serce i niebezpieczność.

Gwiazdy toną w szepczących fałach,

Niebo łączy się z morzem – wieczność?

Woda niesie mnie w wolnym locie,

Czy ja płynę? A może padam?

Jestem kroplą straconą w prądzie.

To jest nowy początek świata?

Czy to koniec i już zbyt późno?

Gdzie jest Alfa, a gdzie – Omega?

Wrócić? Raczej to będzie próżno.

W tym chaosie nie widać brzegu.

(Willow)

 

Edited by Willow
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Willow

Persephone

 

Autumn solemnly entered and reigned in its kindom,

Time… It is finely time to gather the flowers.

Strikingly beautiful, living in sorrow and sinking...

Dreams, constant traps, deathly fears… You're counting hours.

Anticipating the future, you are like frozen,

Previous cicle is finished, then deeds of past will repeat,

No blinks of sun, no more joy, but you have been chosen.

Now you should wait for abduction, for desparate pit.

Being removed from above, hidden deeply in darkness,

You are not able to breathe, seems, you'll never escape,

Where 're you lost, blooming Kore, captured, buried in madness,

You've become one with this World, step by step, day by day.

But time will pass, Persephone, and the gates will be open,

Ices of Lethe will be melt, and new life will begin,

Then, getting rid of all fears and having new hope,

You will awake and exclaim: let us welcome new spring!

(Willow)

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Willow

Бессонница
Бессонница… И мгла, сплошная мгла,
Что прячет мои мысли, чувства, свет,
Не спать? Но ведь и это не ответ,
Тревога словно тонкая игла
Проходит сквозь меня, а время…
Время моей жизни — только миг,
И поиск — человеческое бремя,
Неужто я перехожу на крик?
Смотрю в окно и вижу сонмы звезд,
Скрывающие тысячи миров -
Иллюзия ли это? Не всерьез?
Восторг — воистину, не подобрать мне слов,
Я чувствую — секунды и года
Текут сквозь пальцы. Перемены:
Рождение и смерть, за ними... — пустота?
Во тьме белеют каменные стены,
Которые построили мы сами.
Конечно. Ведь наш опыт, боль,
Попытка насладиться чудесами
Рождают угнетенность. Так позволь.
Сказать самой себе два слова:
Ведь то, что совершенно — не живет.
Та мысль, действительно, отнюдь не нова:
Лишь изменяясь человек способен на полет.
(Willow)

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Willow

Ты скажешь время лечит, но напрасно
Стараюсь верить бегу тех минут.
Забыть? Не чувствать? Я бы желала страстно,
Но... Вот слеза упала, и бегут
Потоком новые, и сердце в лихорадке
Колотится, меня пронзает дрожь,
Я помню... И воспоминанья эти сладки,
Я сумасшедшая ты скажешь... Ну и что ж.
Что ценится? Спокойный бег событий?
В который мы заброшены судьбой?
Где день за днём всё вьется серой нитью,
Где нам так страшно стать на миг собой?
Или когда мы пробуем, не зная,
Что нам готовит каждый новый миг,
Ошибки, боль? Мы падаем, взлетаем, 
Горим, страдаем, сдерживаем крик,
Но это того стоит: это мы
Такие, как мы есть, зачем живём:
Позволено нам вырваться из тьмы,
И озарить наш путь живым огнем.
Я плачу - пусть так будет, что теперь?
Та боль благословенна неспроста.
Я ненормальная, потому, поверь,
Я этой памяти скажу сегодня "да".

(Autor: Willow) 

 

Edited by Willow

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Willow

Coś takiego też było:

Thoughts are like stones. Stonefall.

Another day, and overall

There is no sunlight.

I beg you, close the window, cease that fight...

I am not dead... At least not yet,

Although my world's crashed down

At least for me. Or is it seemed t' be now?

And will it go? What will I know?

I'm frightened, I am dying, please! Although…

So difficult to think – i'm loosing track,

Is there sense, or world is just a wrack?

Or strategy of Doom? Just help me, please!

Show me the way to finally gain peace.

(Willow)

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Willow

To będzie tu w ciągu kilku dni, a później to schowam :)

No one knew it yet… Winds blew softly, shifting the red sands of our lands, trees talked to each other constatly, begging, crying, warning, but nothing could possibly help; no one, except for me understood their miraculous language, and I could not possibly lift them and take to another place, a different world, perhaps. I don't possess such a power. I am not a gate-keeper, I am not a god. But am I the only one, who is concerned about things which are happening? Am I the only one who sees where we are going do? And, am I the only one who understands that this world is going to be dead soon, that we are the kind that is attracted by death: we are children of death, lovers of death, personifications of death… Our souls are woven with the nets of darkness, and the only thing we are able to is to consume, to devour, to sear everything we have met...” I stared down at the red sand covering all the visible surface, I observed the tiny radiant reflections of sunbeams. The sands were so scarlet as they would have absorbed all the blood of all previous generations; that sand even smelled like blood, dry and tarnished. Pure history, scattered all over, long forgotten, neglected, dead, but still in some way alive all around and in ourselves.

- Good day, friend… If you are still my friend, of course, and true son of Dreamer. - He approached me suddenly, out of nowhere, with his arms folded. I'd just found a withered stick on the earth and now unconsciously was drawing some strange symbols on the sand, while talking to him:

- Dreamer is gone. Neither door-keeper, nor other demon can substitute him and his guidance. The days become worse and worse, although I am definitely your friend, Teanglib. But just yours, I'm not a friend of crazy demons, sucking life out of everything and fighting, fighting and fighting fiercely… Seems, they find the only sense of existence in those continuous wars.

- Where is a sense then? - Teanglib smiled bitterly and sat next to me. - In case you found it somehow, you would change the universe and make everyone of us happy. Do you feel the responsibility, lying on your shoulders – just one answer, and there is no war any longer, no ruthless attempts to spend an energy on something risky and stupid, no more despair about passing boring life… Will you dare to reveal the secret?

- Honestly… Honestly, I don't know, - I looked far in the distance, spilling the sand through my fingers. - But, definitely, neither war, nor consumption… Restoration, development – maybe, we have so much interesting things on the planet the majority of us have no idea about, then why not to reveal secrets? Why not to find out more? Why not find this crazy God, eventually, and ask him about that sense?

- Aha, as I suspected, no clear answer. You are coward, Algenib, miserable and cunning, you are turning the back to your nation in need, and cover this indignity by philosophy, which is senseless after all. Join us, use magic, fight the Creatures, for they are the nightmare of Dreamer, his true enemies. Serve your God, be the man of honor.

- Dreamer has created them as well as he has once created us. Why weren't we his nightmare? Why do you think, we are better? We have taken almost the life energy out of this world, not them. They have just appeared and done nothing wrong. And they also want to live, as well as we want to, or like these trees, which are dying around, and like I do. I just want to live peacefully.

Teanglib stood upright, his hands on his sword. His strict face reflected nothing. Will he continue? Will he pull it out and try to kill me?

- I have no doubts now: you want to die. For life is movement, constant change and fight. The only peace is in death. And you are dead for me, Algenib, since this very moment you are dead for me. But I am probably too unjust, for I can not kill you, although you deserve it, although you are craving for it. You were my friend, after all, some time ago you were my friend. - He loosened his grip on the weapon and sighed.

- You are mine even now, Teanglib, despite all the words I have heard from you. I like you still, I trust you still… And I forgive you for you are blind in your beliefs.

He did not answer, just turned away and went towards the town. I looked at his tall figure, disappearing in that realm of sunlight; his footprints were instantly hidden by sweeps of sand and wind, like everything we survived together would soon be swept with the dusts of time, and thus forever lost.

The Desert, full of red and shimmer like a jewelry, one big precious stone in the core of which I laid pierced with a sun rays and memories. Yes, time flew, and I remained unmoved, dreaming, almost dead. I heard some sounds far away, like echo of thunder blasts, it was a war, it was in action, people died there, killing other ones, believing it is right thing to do. I can not blame them really, for I knew the courage of fight, I also wore the sword some time ago, believed in Dreamer and his divine might, until I started to notice sings, realized that world and everything around is dying, that every time we wake, we are empty, exhausted, thinking only about how to get the energy… And after some time of drinking it, we notice flowers on our windowsill are withered. And this is not the only thing.

Some time ago, I liked to look through old maps; and the older the map was, the more water was drawn on it. Seemed, like at the beginning, there wasn't any endless desert, but the blooming land, with deep sees and oceans, quick rivers and crystal lakes, thick forests and vast fields, being inhabited by various creatures, none of whom exists anymore … Once it was so, long time before we, Khantees, had appeared on the surface of this land, as a curse, as a plague… How can we even deserve to live?

- I want to live no longer! - I yelled, put into this phrase all my rage and hatred, and bitterness, which I hoped to bury inside for eternity. My temples pulsated with pain – too much sun and loneliness, undoubtedly, too much; I tried to stand up, but I could not: everything turned black, and void-like, and only the chanting of the dying, but strangely calm trees echoed in my ears. Less and less voices, another tree is dead?..

Was it a night already? Surely, it was, but I still could hear distant thunder, for they are ruthless and fierce, they are savage and mad. Everyone of them. Except for her.

*****

Kaissa… My rebellion was also about her death. It was also about my loss. For I was bewitched by her, since I've seen this girl for the first time. So pale she was, so slander, so iridescent, like a far glimmer of a lonely star. And too much fragile for this world. And she dreamed of the stars all the time, of possibilities to fly far away, to discover, to start a new life somewhere, or to reveal by chance a secret about who we really were and why we were meant to be. What is our real nature and essence. I had a chance to listen to these plans a lot, but that time was too short, and I knew, she was not gifted with magic powers, thus she was doomed to an early death, for she was just a source of energy for every one else, although, when we've met, I was sure, that there would be no war in the future, no Creatures would enter our World, and she would live as long as I would, for there would be a time to find a way to help her, or perhaps to fly away, as she had wanted to, or to share my powers between us equally. But no, we weren't so lucky.

We used to date secretly at the middle of the night, for her family was far too noble, although already lost its powers and influence, and would not let us to be together; they actually wouldn't let her out alone, for lacking magic she couldn't protect herself, but she always found a way for us to meet. First time we had seen each other, she also ran away to see the Holy Night of Spring which then took place on the seashore, full of lights and fires it was, and full of music and dances, laughter and rage, blood and sacrifices. Both of us quickly became tried of the crowd and noise, and we swam towards the deserted island near the Creeping Rocks; we've made our ways separately, but quickly found each other there, and since that night nothing and nobody could divide us.

Further, in the middle of the nights when the moon and the stars shone bright, the wind whistled mysterious songs and danced with the dust, whirling, crawling, scattering tiny little pieces of shimmering sand, we were holding each other tight, sharing thoughts and uniting into the one essence – night by night, night by night. Her tales were a tangled net, catching and capturing a listener, and thus, although she was deprived of a magical gift, he could create magic using words. And that was a wonder among our kind.

I have constantly discovered myself in her every action, in her every thought. We were the reflections of each other, the perfect mirrors. And it seemed there would be plenty of time for us, even eternity to share, but it turned out, Kaissa could make only half a year and no longer. After the spring came summer, in the end of which our king-priest (or, like some believe, God himself) announced, that Creatures, the new inhabitants of our land, are on the wrong side, they are our enemies, demons, and nightmare of Dreamer, therefore they should be erased from the surface of that planet. The religious war has been inspired by that speech, and for we fought by means of magic, the whole possible energy was taken out of the world and all living beings who did not posses the magical means to resist our powers.

The weakest died first, but Kaissa was one of them. Most of Khantee believed that was for good, that the Great Cleaning took place, and everyone unworthy just died out, giving space to live for the best ones, strongest ones. Like it was so natural... But really and truly, it was so unfair! As long as she believed in that nonsense herself, she told me it was an honor to support our side and make such a sacrifice for the sake of truth, for the sake of justice! Last time we've met (she scarcely had powers to run out that night) Kaissa farewelled me and made me promise that I would also join the fight… But how could I? I lost myself with her, no, the greater part of me; and I was not even allowed to see her funeral! I was not even let to say my last goodbye to her…. Right now I am trapped in my memory, in my obsession and in my promise: I am haunted by her, I can not let her to rest in peace, and I am not able to join those, who literally killed her, although Kaissa wished that herself. O great Irony of Doom! If I only could… If we only could…

I was lying, listening to the whisper of the last living tree, feeling how the time passing through, knowing that the death's been already hugging my shoulders, trapping my body and thoughts…

- Just a bit, and we will reunite, just a bit and we will be the one again for the whole eternity…

I had less and less energy, It was more and more difficult to concentrate, to catch a worthy thought out of the current of mad ideas passing through my mind… And in that very moment I had understood how eagerly I wanted to live all that time, how desperately I didn't want to give up, and how wrong I was in my perception of reality.

The luminous constellations were shimmering softly, the desert looked as a black endless void: chaos-like, calling and bewitching. It was a true image of death… O, no, it was a true picture of life itself: cruel, depriving and empty. Everything that was happening was senseless, and therefore there is no real value in promises, in fight, in love… We were thrown into this world without knowing and understanding much, and we picked the only known path, the known way of living, though there is no actual difference in what you are doing and how you are passing your life. We could try everything, we could do whatever we wanted to, but our fright before unknown, our habit to believe the common opinion deprived us of choice, deprived us of real experience and worthy knowledge, deprived us of our real lives! We could change everything, we possessed the abilities to create a new world around or somewhere else, to destroy everything around and change the minds of the majority, and, eventually, to run away wherever we want? Why shouldn't we follow our own wishes and desires? Why shouldn't we despise the common morality and values? We are the Dreamers, we are the Creators! We have a fire in our hearts, we are as much divine, as he is! The whole Universe is a God, everyone, every little particle is a smallest unit moving that essence, for we are inseparable and free…


 

The motionless figure was drowning slowly in the depths of dark velvet sea of sand. Everything was still and waiting. And they have been waiting too: nine shadows clad in the gray cloaks, outlined in the cold ashen moonlight… Sudden distant whispers broke the silence:

- How do you think, is he ready?

- I believe, he's been for quite a long time.

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